I didn't broadcast much about my goals this summer. I'm not entirely sure where a lot of these came from. I think they came from frustrations with shortcomings. They came as treating symptoms not in treating the root cause. As a good report, here's what I anticipated to get out of my summer:
Become a...
confident cook.
confident gardner.
home decor artist.
confident, humble outdoor enthusiast.
knowledgeable student pharmacist.
advocate for the family.
good missionary.
health nut.
reserved & respected.
good with finances.
I know some of these stemmed from the strengths of others. Confident cook? Kjirstin. Confident gardner? My grandma, Martha Flandro. Home decor artist? My grandma. Reserved and respected? Samantha Phelps and my friend Kevin.
Others came from my long-term goals. Some of them also came from my impressions from church.
Here's my report:
Did not really attempt
Home decor artist. Yeah, I still need to convince myself to even attempt to spend money on this! It's like...food or painting?
Advocate for the family. This one was a lot harder than I thought. With a huge push for broader definitions of marriage, with a roller coaster family reunion/road trip, and with distance...it was hard for me to advocate for families. I got confused...lost...and I messed up. But, I still believe in families. I believe if we all put more effort into our families, and trust me that includes me, we would be a lot happier. And that would prove beneficial for our societies. And I also believe that before we point fingers at failed social constructs, we need to evaluate what impact we're having in our own home. I also believe that it would benefit humanity if we could live in societies that seek to support healthy home relationships, rather than societies that seek to replace them.
Good missionary. I think I need to work on my relationship with God before I can resolutely defend it and invite others to. I feel like because of that, I let a friend down. Because I couldn't stand firm and be there for him, that I let him and my Savior down. That I was so focused on myself and my hurt and my confusion, that I missed opportunities to serve. To forget myself and go to work--which would've proven more beneficial, I think.
Attempted/Somewhat did
Confident cook? At the beginning of the summer, I did a bit of cooking. I cooked this mean
Greak broccoli and sun-dried tomato salad. But, towards the end of the
summer, especially as I went up to Aspen, I hardly cooked! I just
couldn't get myself to.
Confident gardner? Again, I was doing well through the first half of the
summer. I was taking care of my basil plant. I even used some of the
basil in recipes! But, with traveling and the socializing of summer, my
Basil passed.
Confident, humble outdoor enthusiast. I tried my best to be confident. I
also tried my best--sometimes less than my best--to be a humble outdoor
enthusiast. I was really humbled when I was camping up in Aspen and I became petrified of bears.
Health nut. I attempted. I was listening to performance nutrition podcasts, I had given up sugar for a while, I was eating tons of fruits and vegetables. But, fear and laziness sunk in. Indulgence and comfort became my allies and my pursuits.
Reserved and respected. I didn't know how to approach this one. I feel in some sense, I connected with childhood Suzette. Who wasn't afraid to do things on her own. Who wasn't afraid of the silence. But is that really who I'm meant to be?
Good with finances. I was good until the end of July. Then, I just started using up my credit card, especially while on my "vacanternship" up in Aspen. Everything kind of hit the fan from there. Oops.
Accomplished
Knowledgeable student pharmacist. I really feel like this was tested and proven in my internship at Aspen Valley Hospital. The camping kept me humble, and when I got there, I was ready to learn. I learned everything from tobramycin dosing, monitoring peaks and troughs, spectrum of activity, etc. to different assessment tools for diagnosis. I learned that if I give myself proper time for research, I can do a solid job! It was so awesome to see my preceptor give advice to patients based off of my research, to be able to have passionate discussions with my preceptors, and to be able to impress them with not just recitation but depth of understanding just after my first year. Thank you Mrs. Colligan, my high school English teacher, for teaching me how to research, write beautifully constructed papers, and how to relish it! (I think it even goes back to Mrs. Hiner, Mrs. Painter, Mrs. Richards, Mrs. Theisen). Anyways, thank you Justin, my debate coach, for teaching me to get at the root of the argument. To look at both sides. To know that even this morning's news can be used to prove my argument. For teaching me that the internet can basically prove anything, but you want good, sound research on your side. Thank you to Dr. Christensen, for teaching me how to delve into scientific research and extrapolate worthwhile information. Especially trying to do it quickly.
In summary, at the beginning of summer, I thought it would be great to just write down things I wanted out of life...either spontaneously or with end goals in mind. I failed. I failed a lot. Why though? In the past, when I turned to God with my goals, He would help me finish them. I don't think I went to Him to figure out what He wanted for me. I didn't align my goals with my priorities.
So what did I learn this summer?
That friendship is so very important. That it can help provide support when I don't feel it otherwise. That there are truly loyal people out there that despite knowing my shortcomings, they stick it out. Because they see something more important, more valuable, and more beautiful in me that transcends any reservations they may have.
That I need to continue to progress, but I think I need to find it in the way that God sees it. He knows better than I on what I need to work on, and also deep down, I believe He knows how to make me happier than I think I know how to.
Thursday, August 20, 2015
Sunday, December 28, 2014
2014 In Review
"God gave us memory so that we might have roses in December."
-James M. Barrie
-Worked at Sundance! Worked with amazingly positive and outgoing people.
-Met great people like my friend Joey there. He introduced me to Pho. He also got me turquoise earrings for my birthday and took me up to Park City (see later).
-Became a TA. It was both terrifying and enriching.
-Went to the Spanish Fork Buddhist temple for a lesson. Life is filled with many reasons to dance and celebrate!
-Had my first surgery--> Wisdom teeth. Could NOT have done it without my friend Brandt. Truly an angel.
-Olympics!! Charlotte Kalla wins gold in the Cross Country Ski. She went from 3rd to first in the final minute. She wanted it BAD.
-Someone shot by best friend to be initiated into a gang. Inspiring story.
-Went to Park City for my birthday!
-April 24th. I graduated! My mom and dad surprised me with a very generous graduation gift. It was enough to help me with that last little bit to buy my car. We went up to Sundance to eat afterwards. Also had great support from my family. ☺️
-April 25. Chantelle got engaged!
-April 25. Moved up to Salt Lake City. I prayed about it, and I felt like I should go up to SLC to live with Chantelle for the summer. Although I might've been more of a hassle to her than a service, she taught me a lot about friendship, relationships, and how to let loose and relax. So glad I got to spend the last couple months of her singlehood with her. That includes the late nights spent talking about nightmares, or the early mornings driving her to her dress fittings. Love her.
-Found my ancestors gravestone. Still working on it...
-May 8. Jacquie my good friend sent me a cool article about an autistic son's love of Disney!
-Ankur, Anna Killian, Niles, Eleise Hinton, Jacquie, Abbi Koch, Mr. Moyer, Steph Tardiff, Bojana, Leigh, Maggie, Alysia, Jason, Courtney...just listing a few people that reached out to me this year. And I really needed it. Seriously, thanks to them, I get to see how great life is when you have friends.
-Took classes at the BYU Salt Lake Center. Psychology from a sweet old man. ☺️
-May 21. I got dreads!! Had em for about 3 months. So fun!!
-Bought my first car!
-May 24. Went to Goblin Valley and camped out! Had some fun ;) in the desert. Saw beautiful canyons there.
-Donut Falls Hike & the Living Room hike
-Extra in a movie as a zombie
-Worked as a Janitor at the Salt Lake Courthouse
-Joined my ward's softball team! Learned how to play softball...
-June 14. Hiked Squaw Peak.
-My tire blew out. Thanks to the support of family and friends, everything turned out fine. Even after I had one tire replaced twice more!
-4th of July! Zions Nat'l Park!
-July 10-13. Went to Lake Powell!!! With Court and her family and mish friends
-Guiding on the Provo
(from Westwater a while back)
-July 18th. 4th time up Mt. Timp! With Abby and friends
-July 29th. Ziplining in Provo Canyon with Alex!
-Hiked up Big Cottonwood with Mo and Michaela!
-Aug 8. Chantelle got married!
-Aug 14. Moved to Denver!
-Aug 25. Started pharmacy school!
-Denver's nightlife! Dancing, eating, socializing, festivals, music. <3
-Sept 13-14. Grandby Cabin trip.
-Sept 26. Big Gigantic Concert at Red Rocks!
-Oct 11-14. Ft. Morgan Immersion trip. Melissa, Melissa, me, Jacqueline.
-Oct 17. Hiking in CO Nat'l park!
-Colorado Springs & Ft. Collins Kaitlin's Vball games. With cous Kate. :)
-Halloween parties with wardies & besties.
-Nov 8. Ski season starts. Snowboarding in Colorado! Copper and Keystone!
-New temple! Denver :) love it
-Nov 30. First flu clinic.
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-Dec 5. Ice skating in Downtown Denver with besties!
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-Dec 12. Finished my first semester in pharmacy school! Great team, great memories.
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-Dec 13. Eagles Hockey game!
-Dec 14. Got to see Eleise!
-Dec 15. Taught Jason how to snowboard!
-Dec 17. Went to the Ohio!
-Dec 22. Had a high school get together party.
And that's a wrap. Just today, I was feeling down because I couldn't remember much from this year. I'm glad I put this together. I can't say it enough, but this year really was filled with things that got me OUT OF MY COMFORT ZONE! And because of it, I have met some amazing people. I'd say it's a year making new friends and rekindling the old friendships. Thanks to the many people who touched my heart this year.
Wednesday, December 3, 2014
Standing Up to Live
A good sign that you haven't written on blogger in a while is when you misspell it in the search bar as "bloog" and you get a e-cig website instead.
Hello again.
I wouldn't say that I have an incredibly illustrious life that keeps me from writing. My dear friend Henry says it best:
"How vain it is to sit down to when you have not stood up to live."
Boy, did I have a lot of living to do (and still do). It was made very apparent to me that I might have fallen short of memories in life. It has been humbling. In this, I am very aware of my imperfection. Imperfection is not so bothersome because it's real, but because it requires patience for its acceptance.
Anyways, I just wanted to write a short post.
And let myself willingly accept that I miss Utah.
I'll call them my Utahan utopian years--mostly because I'm thrilled with the alliteration.
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