I didn't broadcast much about my goals this summer. I'm not entirely sure where a lot of these came from. I think they came from frustrations with shortcomings. They came as treating symptoms not in treating the root cause. As a good report, here's what I anticipated to get out of my summer:
Become a...
confident cook.
confident gardner.
home decor artist.
confident, humble outdoor enthusiast.
knowledgeable student pharmacist.
advocate for the family.
good missionary.
health nut.
reserved & respected.
good with finances.
I know some of these stemmed from the strengths of others. Confident cook? Kjirstin. Confident gardner? My grandma, Martha Flandro. Home decor artist? My grandma. Reserved and respected? Samantha Phelps and my friend Kevin.
Others came from my long-term goals. Some of them also came from my impressions from church.
Here's my report:
Did not really attempt
Home decor artist. Yeah, I still need to convince myself to even attempt to spend money on this! It's like...food or painting?
Advocate for the family. This one was a lot harder than I thought. With a huge push for broader definitions of marriage, with a roller coaster family reunion/road trip, and with distance...it was hard for me to advocate for families. I got confused...lost...and I messed up. But, I still believe in families. I believe if we all put more effort into our families, and trust me that includes me, we would be a lot happier. And that would prove beneficial for our societies. And I also believe that before we point fingers at failed social constructs, we need to evaluate what impact we're having in our own home. I also believe that it would benefit humanity if we could live in societies that seek to support healthy home relationships, rather than societies that seek to replace them.
Good missionary. I think I need to work on my relationship with God before I can resolutely defend it and invite others to. I feel like because of that, I let a friend down. Because I couldn't stand firm and be there for him, that I let him and my Savior down. That I was so focused on myself and my hurt and my confusion, that I missed opportunities to serve. To forget myself and go to work--which would've proven more beneficial, I think.
Attempted/Somewhat did
Confident cook? At the beginning of the summer, I did a bit of cooking. I cooked this mean
Greak broccoli and sun-dried tomato salad. But, towards the end of the
summer, especially as I went up to Aspen, I hardly cooked! I just
couldn't get myself to.
Confident gardner? Again, I was doing well through the first half of the
summer. I was taking care of my basil plant. I even used some of the
basil in recipes! But, with traveling and the socializing of summer, my
Basil passed.
Confident, humble outdoor enthusiast. I tried my best to be confident. I
also tried my best--sometimes less than my best--to be a humble outdoor
enthusiast. I was really humbled when I was camping up in Aspen and I became petrified of bears.
Health nut. I attempted. I was listening to performance nutrition podcasts, I had given up sugar for a while, I was eating tons of fruits and vegetables. But, fear and laziness sunk in. Indulgence and comfort became my allies and my pursuits.
Reserved and respected. I didn't know how to approach this one. I feel in some sense, I connected with childhood Suzette. Who wasn't afraid to do things on her own. Who wasn't afraid of the silence. But is that really who I'm meant to be?
Good with finances. I was good until the end of July. Then, I just started using up my credit card, especially while on my "vacanternship" up in Aspen. Everything kind of hit the fan from there. Oops.
Accomplished
Knowledgeable student pharmacist. I really feel like this was tested and proven in my internship at Aspen Valley Hospital. The camping kept me humble, and when I got there, I was ready to learn. I learned everything from tobramycin dosing, monitoring peaks and troughs, spectrum of activity, etc. to different assessment tools for diagnosis. I learned that if I give myself proper time for research, I can do a solid job! It was so awesome to see my preceptor give advice to patients based off of my research, to be able to have passionate discussions with my preceptors, and to be able to impress them with not just recitation but depth of understanding just after my first year. Thank you Mrs. Colligan, my high school English teacher, for teaching me how to research, write beautifully constructed papers, and how to relish it! (I think it even goes back to Mrs. Hiner, Mrs. Painter, Mrs. Richards, Mrs. Theisen). Anyways, thank you Justin, my debate coach, for teaching me to get at the root of the argument. To look at both sides. To know that even this morning's news can be used to prove my argument. For teaching me that the internet can basically prove anything, but you want good, sound research on your side. Thank you to Dr. Christensen, for teaching me how to delve into scientific research and extrapolate worthwhile information. Especially trying to do it quickly.
In summary, at the beginning of summer, I thought it would be great to just write down things I wanted out of life...either spontaneously or with end goals in mind. I failed. I failed a lot. Why though? In the past, when I turned to God with my goals, He would help me finish them. I don't think I went to Him to figure out what He wanted for me. I didn't align my goals with my priorities.
So what did I learn this summer?
That friendship is so very important. That it can help provide support when I don't feel it otherwise. That there are truly loyal people out there that despite knowing my shortcomings, they stick it out. Because they see something more important, more valuable, and more beautiful in me that transcends any reservations they may have.
That I need to continue to progress, but I think I need to find it in the way that God sees it. He knows better than I on what I need to work on, and also deep down, I believe He knows how to make me happier than I think I know how to.
