When Expectations Fall Short, Do Not Doubt

Wow, do you ever feel like people are expecting you to do so much? To be something that you might not have the capabilities to be?

I think this applies so much to who we are. We are defined by so many our relationships: daughter, sister, girlfriend, roommate, Relief Society Meeting Committee Member on Health & Wellness, Student Leadership, Lab Assistant, Student. Without other people, I could not consider myself to be those things.

What else am I that doesn't require the existence of close relationships? A blogger, a runner, a cellist, a scriptorian, a cook, a cleaner. I could successfully not know anyone personally and still be capable of these things. If I was not personally attached to anyone, I would still be capable of being something.

But, what would that something amount to? Eventually the blog would grow dull. The streets and trails seem mundane. Playing the cello would feel as hollow as its inside. Scriptures would lose meaning without being able to share them. Cooking for only myself too much would either make me obese or depressed. Probably both. Cleaning would get pointless if I only had myself to do it for.

Would life really serve its purpose if our daily interactions with people were totally impersonal? What if everyone I knew was just a merely an acquaintance? No intimate conversations about truth, love, friendship, heartache, joys, sorrows, trials, etc. Not only would life seem much less vivacious, but I would be stuck with all of these feelings on my own.

Furthermore, my growth would be stunted. As I noted the eventual degradation of each self-sustaining activity, I realized that I would reach a point that I could no longer progress. I could not learn patience without other people. I couldn't learn intellectually unless I was able to replicate every experiment, historical event, and novel ever created. Any talents I would have with people would go unrealized. Most importantly, I couldn't learn love--and what's deeper, charity.

You might be asking yourself, Why is Suzette trying to convince me that life would be nothing without our close friends and family? It's not you that needs convincing. I have forgotten the importance of having close allies in the midst of facing demons.

I'm not sure if a clear connection was drawn between the frustration of expectations and the "needing people in my life" thing. Here it is: I feel like people are expecting so much from me. Sometimes I feel like their sucking the life out of me. However, I am dependent on them as well in order to progress. While I get frustrated that they need me to do everything, what I didn't realize is that I need them to become all that I can be.

This makes me think of the Beatitudes that Christ gave on the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5).

The first 4 Beatitudes consist of things we can do on our own. They don't require the presence of anyone. They rely heavily on your own personal relationship with Christ. No people are involved just yet. These are attributes you can develop on your own:
Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.

Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth.

Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled.

The next five pertain to our relationships with others:

Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.

Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.

Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.

Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness’ sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake.

How can we learn to be merciful without having anyone to show mercy? How can we practice being pure in heart without interacting with other people? Same with being a peacemaker, being persecuted, and reviled. All of these require other people.

And here's what Christ says after all of these things:

Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you.

After rereading this, I can't help but feel that Christ really does have it figured out for us. That's why we have people in our lives. To help us reach our potential.

Don't Judge a Mouse By Its Tail

..................... Have you ever been impressed by animals? 

Okay, if you were my sister Monique, you would say, "Duh." I always liked animals, but I never really understood what they could teach us until I spent more time with them. They teach me Christ-like attributes that I have a hard time learning from people. 

I work in a lab on campus where we're studying the benefits of selenium and soy with prostate cancer. If anyone wants to know more, please ask! But, that's not why I'm writing today. I work with mice in the lab, and I am personally in charge of feeding the mice. Not just restocking their pellets. I get to "gavage" them, or pipette a dose of selenium in their mouth. The process isn't that complicated. But, some mice get antsy when my peers and I try to pick them up. 

We once had a mouse that we called "Half Tail." Like his name implies, half of his tail was gone, and we weren't really sure why. We assumed that one of his cage-mates had bitten it off.  When we got to know this mouse's personality, it wouldn't be surprising if he had bitten it off himself. He was a jumper. Every time we tried to feed him he would attempt to fly, only finding himself on the floor moments after. As if that wasn't frustrating enough, he would then scurry to the corner of the room to play Hide-and-Go-Seek. Not that fun when he's agile like a panther. He would sometimes scurry away and we couldn't find him for days at a time. This mouse was a pain in my neck for months. 

It's Half Tail himself! 

Recently, we've had another mouse born that resembled Half Tail's physical deformity. He must have been born without half a tail, because when I weaned him from his mother that's how I found him. I see how the other litter mice interact with him, and I don't think they were malicious enough to bite it off. So, I think this little guy was disadvantaged from the start. A guy in my lab couldn't help but relate our experience with Half Tail and the new mouse. "He's going to be so hard to gavage," he said. At first thought, I agreed.

However, after gavaging the new mouse a couple of times, I realized that he was one of the most calm mice so far. He patiently waits for us to pick him up by his shortened tail, and feed him. When he has all the right to feel antsy and disadvantaged, he makes it easy on us. What a great example that is to me. I first judged him to be like Half Tail. I judged a book by its cover. Or rather, I judged a mouse by its tail. And he taught me a lesson on patience.

The Lord gives us disadvantages and weaknesses that we could use as excuses. It’s so easy to feel that way. Because I’m not coordinated, I shouldn’t long board or play soccer. I’ve told myself that recently. Thankfully, the Lord is patient with us and I am learning how to long board.

It’s addressing your weaknesses, but also being patient that you can’t change them overnight. Coming to accept them, like this mouse did, will make us more pleasant to deal with. As Moroni recounts in the book of Ether what the Lord can do with us when we are willing to accept our weaknesses. “ And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble…for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them” (Ether 12:27).

I have recently been struggling with some pretty big weaknesses of mine. I have come to realize that I can’t conquer them alone. I have amazing friends, wonderful dating experiences, and Christ to help me. Oh, and I can’t forget the mice. ;) I’m like Cinderella and her handy, dandy mice friends. 

This dress is a testimony that mice can be BOSS. 

A Utahan Summer

Anyone in the blogging world, do you ever have those days were you phrase thoughts in your mind to fit in a blog post? That's been happening to me for the last THREE months.

Part of my distance from the blogging world has been a fear that my world will continue to move at the fun, fast pace without me. Here I am to conquer that fear. I'm still trying to figure out if I should make it "catchup on Suzette's life" style or if I should just focus on where I'm at (while briefly telling what got me here). The second one sounds more like me.

If anyone either (a) follows me on facebook or (b) sees me around, you probably know that I have a boyfriend. To preface my adventures of the summer, I would like to attribute most of them to him. You know when people tell you you work too hard and never have fun? Yeah, I didn't get that. While I'm not ashamed of my passion for school and work, I never fully realized what I was missing out on. Something I don't want to forget from this summer is that there's a whole world out there to EXPERIENCE. Many people in my life I can attribute that wisdom to.


Alright, I got bored trying to think of a way to introduce so many exciting things, so I decided to simplify by doing one of my favorite things: make a list.
1. Hiked Stewart Falls
2. Hiked to Hot Springs
3. Hiked the Y*
4. Swung off Mona rope swing
5. Went to Canyonlands (Southern Utah)
6. Jeeping through canyons
7. Hiked 13 mile hike to Indian ruins and hieroglyphs
8. Repelled off of an arch
9. Slid through slot canyons
10. Tumbling down Rock Canyon hill
11. Watched a solar eclipse
12. Learned slack lining
13. Made ice cream*
14. Climbed up Southridge to roof
15. Rafting down Colorado River in Moab
16. Wakeboarding on Pineview Lake
17. Wake surfing on Pineview Lake
18. Boating on Pineview Lake
19. Learning how to longboard
20. Jumping in puddles
21. Rock climbing outdoors

*I've done this before.

As you can see, this summer isn't my typical scene. Being completely honest, I didn't know that half of this stuff even existed. Slot canyons? Who knew? I thought that boating was for rich people and that seldom anyone did it. I thought longboards where just long skateboards for those too handicap to skate on normal ones. Slack lining? ...You get the point.


For a while, I just wanted to brag to my Ohioan friends of the amazing summer I've had (shallow, I know). But, I didn't know that you could have this much fun. I've also been struggling with a regret that I have never done all of this before. I felt so far behind everyone. They've done this stuff a thousand times before. Because I was so inexperienced, I tried placing the blame on different factors. My dad not being very outdoorsy, or being very frugal with his money. My environment: Ohio doesn't really have the terrain for these outdoor activities. My family dynamic: we just spend our time differently when we're together. My lack of coordination or athletic ability. To make myself feel better, I've told myself these things time and time again. It was a way to make up for my failed attempts of being tough or strong or talented. I kept wondering why I ever thought I was so talented, or why I was under the illusion that my life was fun.

I ponder these sobering thoughts still occasionally, but writing them makes me realize there is a reason I was raised where I was, with certain people, and with the "adventures" given me. I was the one treating my past like a handicap, but it was perfect for me. I am easily pleased! I am perfectly content with a Disney movie, or a day laying out at the neighborhood beach.

Ignorance can be bliss sometimes. If those listening to Christ weren't ready for certain knowledge, his parables just sounded like good stories. If I would have known about wake boarding and slack lining when I was little, my life would have been so dissatisfying knowing I could be doing more fun things. I would have run my parent's bank accounts dry with that information. That's why Heavenly Father gives us knowledge step-by-step. We have to show a level of faith, maturity, and a responsibility to act on the knowledge given us.

Wow, that really is why we can't have everything at once. We have to prove ourselves! I hope this is making sense. I'm praying that this isn't a drifting thought, but rather a precious truth that blogging has brought out. That's why I miss blogging. Those thoughts that would start a perfect blog post usually end in a greater understanding of myself and Heavenly Father.